Election vs. Free Will

Okay so I thought I was all straight on this election stuff until I started thinking about it... I almost think that going back to just blindly accepting it would be easier because now I'm thoroughly confused. In case you're unclear on what election is, it's the idea that God has chosen from before the foundation of the world who he will redeem and spend eternity with him in heaven and who he will banish to hell for eternity. It's not our decision, it's his. He's already predetermined where you will go, where your friends will go, and where your children, parents, sisters, etc. will go. Before you jump to thinking that's not in the bible anywhere, please be assured that it's in the bible EVERYWHERE. (Go look up Ephesians 1:4-5, Romans 9:11-13, Matthew 11:27, John 5:21, Romans 8:28-30, I could go on and on...) I'm not listing any of those verses right now though, because I'm sort of arguing the other side.

My "hold up" with election is that true love only exists when there is a choice. Sure there's a choice for God so on HIS end it's true love, but on our end it's not. If we're forced to love someone, we are under manipulation. God wants a relationship with us based on true love, so wouldn't he give us the freedom to decide to love him? God wouldn't feel any pleasure if the only love he received came from lifeless robots that never had a choice to do otherwise. On top of that, I can't imagine any loving parent looking at their children and saying "I'm sending you to heaven and you to hell." God works in mysterious ways, but how could that possibly be loving?

Anyway so then I started searching for verses that point to us having free will:

Matthew 18:14 - "In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost."

1 Timothy 2:3 - "This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

1 Timothy 2:6 - "who gave himself as a ransom for all men..."

2 Peter 3:9 - "He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

Acts 10:34 - "Then Peter began to speak: 'I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right.'"

1 John 2:2 - "He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."

Hebrews 2:9 - "...he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone."

All of these verses seem to point to a longing for EVERYONE to be saved. We had a discussion about this at church before and said that God can WANT everyone to be saved when in reality not everyone will be saved. But if HE'S the one doing the decision-making, he must not really be wanting everyone to be saved. Why would he say so many times that he wants no one to perish, he died for everyone, he doesn't want any of his little sheep to be lost, etc?

But there are equally as many verses that point to "the elect" or "the chosen" as being real and being in existence. How can both things be true? Is it possible that we've been equating election with salvation, when possibly they are two different things? For example, in 2 Timothy 2:10, it says:

"Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the ELECT, that they too MAY OBTAIN THE SALVATION that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." (emphasis added)

This seems to show that being in the elect doesn't guarantee salvation. Why would the elect need to obtain salvation if election means you were elected to be saved? This could explain how human responsibility fits in with election. Maybe the "elect" is a group of people that has the potential for salvation but they still have to choose to believe.

What do you guys think?